Getting to know yourself is the journey of a lifetime. Some of the environments and contexts you will find yourself in will be through choice and some not. One of the situations you will inevitably find yourself in is responding to a request for help, advice or support from another person. In most cultures, we have been taught that assisting or helping is better for all. However, before going any further, I want to point out that you have a choice. Sometimes it is better to stay out of a situation.
Assuming you do want to intervene, you have a further decision to make. I was in my late twenties when I noticed that there are two distinct approaches. It was a decade later before I had properly understood labels for them. The labels allowed me to choose which approach I thought would work best, even though I do not always get it right, or indeed, consciously choose.
The two approaches are Mentoring and Coaching. I observe these two names becoming increasingly popular, I also observe they are often misunderstood. In fact, I frequently hear the two being used interchangeably (usually in a business context). This is a bit like using a screwdriver or a hammer to put a screw in the wall, they have very different results.
What are the differences between Coaching and Mentoring?
Unfortunately, there is a whole load of cr*p written online about the differences between Coaching and Mentoring, which is part of the confusion. There is also virtually no barrier to entry into Coaching or Mentoring so there are plenty of poor examples out there. Here are the main differences;
There are plenty of other areas that one might consider as being different, but these are the main ones. Whilst I think that Coaching and Mentoring are fundamentally different, the main differences are very few. The main difference is the context and objective.
The Pitfalls and Benefits
If you have coached someone on an issue and they have explored various ideas and thoughts, they are far more likely to implement the solution (even something difficult) if it is self-generated.
To be an effective Coach, you do not need to be a domain expert. Your skill is asking sensitive, well-thought-out and intelligent questions. You will learn a lot using this approach.
It is easy, and for some of us gratifying, to be almost constantly helping others with their issues and problems. However, this can lead to co-dependent relationships. This will not be good for either of you in the medium to long-term.
Keep in mind that the best approach is context-specific (not person-specific). Constant Mentoring can give off signals of being controlling and untrusting. Constant Coaching can be experienced as aloof, uninterested or indecisive.
Become aware of your “default” setting. Over time we can all become good coaches and mentors, knowing your innate preference will help you figure this out.
Whilst writing my notes for this post a specific example popped into my mind. I like it because it illustrates another pitfall that I (and I am sure many of you) have fallen into. It came from a session with my coach. I had set-up a new small team to sell and deliver to a new group of customers. Team A was led by a strong leader. To be successful Team A required the support and resources of a much larger and established team; Team B. Team B was led by an equally competent and strong-minded leader. During my coaching session, it occurred to me that I was for the third time about to intervene on behalf of Leader A to get the resources needed from Leader B. It occurred to me that this was not a great use of my time and it was going to be an ongoing situation.
I remember the question my coach asked me very clearly, “what was stopping Leader A from getting the resources from Leader B?” The profound but simple answer was me. I had stepped in earlier to help get things up and running. My intervention had created a way of working that was not what I wanted. My coach asked me, “what did I want instead of the current situation?” and then after this, “how do you plan to make the new situation happen?”
At the next opportunity, I asked Leader A, “what do you think I will do to get the resources you need?” Leader B knew exactly. I then asked, “what is stopping you from doing the same?” The issue was resolved.
“To Coach or to Mentor?” is a great question. Sometimes the answer is neither.
Be happy, healthy and helpful
Paul
How to get in touch
1. Subscribe to my blog here www.paultranter.me
2. We can connect on;
a. LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/paultranter/
b. Twitter https://twitter.com/GetPaulTranter @GetPaulTranter
c. Facebook www.facebook.com/paultranter.me/
I look forward to hearing from you!
P.S. Feel free to share on your social media, just click below
Comments