The train carriage was largely empty. I settled in and started to flick through my podcasts as we pulled out of the station. Forward and to the right of me were two smartly dressed young professionals; one male, who I think was slightly younger than the female opposite. It was clear from the conversation that the young lady was certainly more senior. I do not consider myself nosey; curious, yes, but not nosey. However, I could not resist listening in as she announced it was, “Time to report in”.
The first thing that struck me, as she proceeded to talk her boss through how the meeting had gone, was the change in tone. Almost every sentence ended with an up-tone inflexion as if she was asking a question. I first encountered this “style” of talking through Aussie soaps. I’ve since observed it in the US and its spread into the UK. For most of the conversation she was reporting what had occurred and her thoughts, so why did it sound like questions?
Reporting-in complete, she proceeded to complain about her boss to her colleague. “Too controlling”, “not listening”, “not open to her ideas”, “constantly talking over her” were amongst the phrases used. Partly through boredom and partly through a timely distraction [an offer of tea] my attention moved on.
Having secured my warm beverage and taken a cautious sip, my mind came back to what I had observed. I had observed half of the conversation and had a very clear impression of what the young lady thought of her boss, well his shortcomings at least. I imagined myself on the other end of the phone and tried to picture how I would be different from this dictatorial-sounding boss.
Not very long into my little thought experiment, it occurred to me that I might have been considered similar if not the same as her boss. Most of what she said, or more importantly how she said it, sounded like a question or at the least an invitation to give an opinion. At other points the up-tone could be interpreted as uncertain, perhaps requiring some encouragement or clarification.
I thought about how I might help her if I was given the opportunity and here is what I scribbled down;
You might want to reduce the up-tone inflexion. As per the potential misunderstandings above.
Never complain about your boss to a junior colleague. If you have feedback, then give it to your boss at an appropriate time. At the very least, talk to someone you trust outside of the business.
Be mindful of your surroundings. There were confidential elements of her report, which she announced on the train. Who knows what other “curious” people might be on there?
I decided to write my thoughts out more clearly and started the note, “Some well-meaning advice from a stranger”. Arriving at my stop, I noted my two co-travellers were not preparing to leave. I slipped the note on the table in from of her and said, “I hope you find this helpful”.
I chose to not put any contact details on the note. Should I have? Should I have created the note at all?
Be happy, healthy and helpful
Paul
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