One of the potential benefits of the lockdown and social distancing policies is that we get to spend more time with our loved ones (or at least those we live with 😉). Perversely, this is leading to a spike in domestic violence and no doubt behind this will be many fraying relationships. These relationships have plenty of external pressures right now leading to quarrels, spats, barneys, squabbles, whatever you like to call them…
It is a cruel irony that those we love have the power to inflict the most pain on us. This will rarely be physical pain but mental or emotional. Most mental and emotional pain is inflicted through words i.e. conversations. Our nearest and dearest will know exactly what to say to “get a reaction”. If you are in a genuinely abusive relationship, the advice is clear… try to find a way out, get help. Fortunately, for most people this is not the case. However, most of us would like to reduce friction and feuds.
Is it possible to improve your relationships during lockdown?
The short answer is yes. The first step is acknowledging that you are not at all responsible for what anyone else says, or how they respond to what you say. Equally, you are 100% responsible for what you say, or how you respond. As the great Bernard C. Meltzer said,
“Before you speak ask yourself if what you are going to say is true, is kind, is necessary, is helpful. If the answer is no, maybe what you are about to say should be left unsaid.”
As well as navigating the lockdown with your relationships intact, this is sound advice for your online and social media. The only modification required is replacing unsaid with unshared. If what you are about to share;
You do not know to be true,
You think is unkind,
Is not necessary,
Is not helpful
Then maybe it is better left unshared. After all, it is often very difficult to improve on silence.
Be happy, healthy and helpful
Paul
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